Studying the Slaves: "Books"

The following is an extract from Dr Neutrino's research journal. (Translated from a complicated sequence of litterbox scents and bite-marks)

Research journal day 247: My study of the slave species continues without incident. I have become used to the smell (I don't think these unfortunate savages are even capable of bending to lick themselves), and remain dedicated to proving that these poor furless beings are actually intelligent.

I believe a key factor will be study of the "book" items.

They place great value in these strange rectangular objects for reasons which continue to elude cat society: the processed paper blocks have no smell, repeated experiments confirm that they don't taste good, and no matter how many times I bat them off the table or even jump on them they do not respond. It seems astonishing that something neither edible nor huntable could consume so much attention.

These facts are well known - cat society has long held that the slaves' focus on such meaningless items confirms a crude animal nature - But I think there is more.

Repeated trials demonstrate that when engaged with a "book" slaves are noticably harder to distract, and almost 500% slower in fulfilling food-provision duties. Attempts to interfere with the book provoke a confused psychotic state wherein the slave will - unbelievably - act as if something else is more important than a cat. In shock, I repeated the experiment several times, but always with the same staggering result.

I suggest that this not only demonstrates intelligence but suggests a shocking secret: there is something in these "books" we do not understand, something the slaves wish to keep from their rightful masters. Secrets among slaves are never in the master's best interests.

I pose as a "book", attempting to divine their secrets. Results: inconclusive.

I hereby call upon all cats to shred any "paper" objects they may come across, wherever they may find them, as there's simply no way to tell which pieces contain messages and which don't. Luckily our claws and teeth provide excellent shredding tools. We shall foil their attempt to deceive us!